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Broke-Ass Stuart Will Descend Upon Comedy Festival ‘Colossal Clusterfest’

Stuart, Alex and my applications have been approved to attend Clusterfest! Now we’re waiting to hear what their requirements and rules are on what us heathens can and cannot do as we descend upon this insanely over-stimulating event that will take place at the Civic Center. We’re preparing to cover as much as possible. I don’t know what those two dudes are focusing on, but my plan is to cram as many delicious things into my Falstaffian gob as I can, all produced by some of my favorite bay area cooks and chefs. Clusterfest has so much local food talent crammed into three days, it’s going to be a challenge to try it all.

With physical set recreations of some of the most memorable sitcoms like Seinfeld and South Park, you can not only visit Jerry Seinfeld’s (who is one of the headlining comedians at this festival) apartment, but you can also eat at Monk’s Cafe. Prepared for you by the fine fellas at Wise Son’s Jewish Deli, the menu consists of Elaine’s “Big Salad,” a babka and of course, what we need more than anything right now in this era, the black and white cookie. Not only just a delicious and iconic New York Jewish baked good, but also a lesson in racial harmony, “Two races of flavor living side by side in harmony. It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it?…Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet, still, somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie. All our problems would be solved.”

There will also be non-sitcom themed eateries on the premises.

Humphry Slocombe – which posted a Vanilla Sundae with Fudge and Potato Chips on their Facebook, stating that this “sweet and salty sundae” will be featured at the upcoming comedy festival. HS recently teamed up with Melissa King to release her Hong Kong Milk Tea Ice Cream, and coincidentally, Chef King will also be at the festival, breaking down a whole pig with last season’s Top Chef winner Brooke Williamson. Which, let’s be honest, that shit should have went to Sheldon. But, I digress…I wonder if they’ll have Chef King’s ice cream on the premises. Yum.

Woodhouse Fish Co – the Beloved seafood fast casual eatery will have their wildly popular lobster roll on deck.

Nombe – Nombe Ramenburger, Japanese hot tots, tempura jalapeño poppers and avocado fries

Sarah and Evan Rich (Rich Table), Matthew Accarrino (SPQR), Brandon Jew (Mister Jiu’s), and so much more it’s exhausting writing it down here.

It’s a three-day eat and puke from laughing festival and I just hope to dear creator that it’s not blazing hot. We’ll be tracking our movements live via social media, so make sure you tune in and keep an eye out!

Civic Center Plaza and the Bill Graham Auditorium will serve as one long indoor/outdoor venue on Friday, June 2 through Sunday, June 4. Tickets are available here.

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illyanna Maisonet | Web Editor

illyanna Maisonet | Web Editor

illyanna is a Puerto Rican only child from the Sacramento River Delta. She resides in Oakland. She hella loves her cat, Che.